At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
