I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
