All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
