I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
