Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
