Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I pour the whiskey from now on
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
