Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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