Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
