There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
oh god the rape fog is back!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
