this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
