Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
