We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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