nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
