I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
