Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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