I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
