I just saw a hot homeless man
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
