so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Come share oat with me in your robe
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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