she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
