He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
