Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
