i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
