apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
