just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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