we have officially lost it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
