Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
