The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This is my gift to your gina
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
