im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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