she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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