I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
