Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
