I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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