I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
