she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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