What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
