Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
