I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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