i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
