Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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