I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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