who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
