Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
