Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
