I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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