Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
