I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
