My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
