Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
