Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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