Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
