Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
