I just pynch a tree in the face
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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