I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
