I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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