Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
