I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
